• Category: Episodic Recaps
  • Written by Linda Martindale

'Riverdale' Recap: Chapter 70 - Beware Romans Bearing Gifts?

"Riverdale," I’ve missed you.  Real-life got in the way and I had to take time away.  I’m back tonight and I’m told that "Riverdale" is going to be something else.  Are we finally getting to the big Spring Break story?  And why call it the Ides of March?  It’s not even Valentine’s Day yet?   Will March 15 run for two months?  Will Jughead really die?  Will the word “tangerine” ring out setting Betty off?  Well, only time will tell.

Tonight’s show seems to lack interaction.  Thus, I’ll take it from each character’s individual lives.  At 8:20 PM, it seems Betty is the only one who doesn’t have a case o the “woes.”

Archie and the Business World

Archie is pulling triple duty with the construction company, the community center, and school.  After meeting with Mr. Honey, he feels he doesn’t have a chance at College.  Mr. Honey is all heart, isn’t he?  Archie isn’t too smart, I admit, but he’s had a rough time lately.  Not only was he standing trial for a murder that he didn’t commit but he served what — three or six — months in juvenile while learning to fight.  Come on Honey, give him a break.  And while you are it, why not go back to Dawson’s Creek where you had a heart.

Later, Archie gets a visit from Hiram Lodge who feels the need for exercise.  Hiram seems a little haunted when he sees Fred’s picture.  Well, he didn’t have anything to do with Fred’s death (at least we know that about Hiram).  Maybe mortality it catching up with him.  While Hiram is exercising, Archie tries to talk business.  Later Archie asks Mr. Kline to run the construction business for him.  .When it comes time to sign the papers though, Archie can’t do it.  When He tells Hiram that he could do it, Hiram seems to think Archie made the right decision.  Now, what does Hiram have to gain from that!

Veronica’s Nose Dive

Daddy dearest appears to be ill and Ron is worried.  When she can’t take it, she heads out hunting for Archie.  Let’s just say that the two of them make more than music in the music room.  Come on guys — modesty, please.  There’s a window n the door!  Veronica doesn’t want to think of the future but the present.

That’s not all of Ron’s problems though.  Mr. Honey finds a flask in her locker.  Now how did he know to look there?  Oh, someone’s writing stories and must have told him.  Archie, the gentleman, steps up and takes the blame and gets detention.  After he finishes, he goes by the house to talk to Ronnie who tells him that Hiram is dying from a medical condition.  Archie offers sympathy and comfort.

Meanwhile, Cheryl and Toni have caught the person feeding items to the paper.  They spring the trap and Ronnie is waiting.  Guess what!  The newest “Lodge” is as much of a creep as Dad.  Hermarosa (as I call her) has Ronnie’s style with wigs.  She is caught and exposed after a three-way sexy dance with Cheryl and Toni.  Hermarosa also knew of Hiram’s condition and that sends Ronnie off on a plan to cure daddy dearest.

At dinner one night, Veronica does a presentation on her maple rum.  She’s ready for business with charts and Cheryl’s expansion plan.  The maple run is going to be producing 300% more than Hiram’s.  Hiram congratulates her and gets the old fire back in his eyes.  He warns her that the dragon (him) has been unleashed.  After Hermione and Hermarosa jump on her about upsetting daddy, she tells them she plans to cure him.  Ronnie knows what will save his life.  Okay, Ron, let me get this straight.  He’s got a very serious illness that could kill him and you think starting a war will help?  Well everyone to their own devices.

Jughead (and Betty) and That Stupid Prep School

Okay, I’m getting a little tired of Bret, Donna, and company and their smugness.  This crew is just the Slytherins of Harry Potter only without the magic.  Instead, they steal, cheat, and videotape.  Since the leader, Brett, hates Jughead’s success so much, they decide they must “get rid of him.”  Thus, they set him up with someone stealing his computer and claiming it for their own (I think the stupid jerk’s name is Jonathan.  Let’s just call him Brett’s slave.)

Mr. DuPont gave Jughead a chance to write another story.  Now, we see that Jughead isn’t too smart.  He tells his classmates about the story he is going to write about a murder at the prep school.  Come off it Jughead.  Don’.t you know better than to give Brett ideas.  Anyway, Mr. DuPont is giving Jughead until Friday to prove that he wrote the story and didn’t commit plagiarism.  What is Jughead to do?  FP doesn’t want Jug to give up.  Jughead and Betty search for the computer and can’t find it anywhere.  Instead, they find his first story, The Boy in the River, with edits and rewrites ready for press.  DuPont is the plagiarist if you ask me.  He steals the story, has rewrites by Jug’s classmates and gives the money to the Brotherhood.  Now, just who is the Brotherhood though?  Better yet, who wrote the story and lived it.  It’s about Jason, right?  Like Brett knew Jason?

While Betty has tried to get Donna to confess about her part in all this by calling her and company DuPont’s pawns, Donna is too smug and tells her she doesn’t know anything?  Jughead has had to deal with Brett.  Turns out Brett does have blackmail to use against Jughead.  Brett, the pervert, did record one of Jug and Betty’s sex session and will release it live if Jughead doesn’t leave.  While Jughead may not be hurt, Brett plays the shame card on Betty.  Let’s all play the blame game on Brett.

Much to FP’s disgust, Jughead takes the option of leaving the prep school.  Brett gets one more chance to gloat but then invites Jughead to the Ides of March party and tells him to bring his friends.  Jughead, I didn’t think you were this big of an idiot.  You are supposed to “beware the Ides of March” (per Caesar and Shakespeare).  I also thought you could tell a setup better than this.  Betty calls Ronnie and Archie to come also.  I smell trouble and I am right.

We are now up to the mystery that has taunted us since last May. Jughead and Brett go into the woods for one last round of — er — one up-man ship I guess — first followed by Donna and Betty.  When Betty tries to get Donna to confess, Donna has a little something to pull on Betty.  Donna isn’t dumb.  She’s been studying up on Betty and found out about “tangerine” from Evelyn.  Here I thought Evelyn was never to rear her head again.  Seems that the Farm didn’t plant just one command in Betty’s brain.  She may have been cured of “tangerine” but another word will have her kill the people Betty loves — Jughead.  Brett and Donna watch Ron and Archie enter the woods to find Betty standing over a dead Jughead.  Does it sound like Archie doing the voice-over???  Could this really be the end of Jughead?  And Roberto and company were smart!  We got not previews or anything else from the next show.  We were robbed!

So I leave you tonight with these questions;

Is Jughead really dead?  Has Betty got more than one trigger?  Will Mr. Honey ever change his name to Mr. Stupid?  Will Mr. Weatherbee ever be named principle again?  How will Archie and Ronnie prove they weren’t there?  How many more lies can Donna and Brett create?