• Category: Episodic Recaps
  • Written by Jennifer Smith

The 'Shark Tank' Recap Scoreboard - 1/10/2014

Shark Tank
Ah, Shark Tank. A Friday night show with huge ratings and even huger pocketbooks. Obviously, budding entrepreneurs clamor to get on the show for the exposure. But exposure can only get them so for if their product is crap. Let’s rank this week’s inventions to see which has the biggest chance at success.

The Wall Prescription? 7.5/10
Or is it the wall doctor? Well, the logo says “Wall Rx” but he calls it “The Wall Doctor,” so this guy is confused about what Rx means. Which makes me a little uncomfortable since he’s an actual real physician. And don’t even get me started on the tagline… “Got holes?” Snerk.

So it’s actually an amazing product for someone useless with tools like me (and apparently like Lori). He says he’s sold a couple units (80,000), which is like saying someone has a couple tumors. When it comes to the Shank Tank just give the numbers. The sharks all throw out offers using different tactics (international, QVC, licensing, etc). He chose Robert’s international deal which seems like the lamest deal with the lowest payout, but whatever.

The Bounce Boot Camp 7.0/10
A very hot former NFLer wants to keep kids healthy. “Bounce Boot Camp” is fitness program using inflatables as obstacle courses. These kids that are demonstrating are totally badass, and it actually looks fun. The classes are somewhat expensive but it seems worth it, especially for frustrated moms. The sharks think the business model is flawed, so he walks out without a deal. But I think the exposure will help him find a business partner that will help fix the flaws and that this could actually be successful. And I really, really want to try it.

The Groove Book 4.0/10
Ugh. Yet another startup that wants you to do something with your digital photos. “Groove Book” has a unique idea that’s it a bound book with perforated pages that you can tear out... but it requires a subscription that sends you 100 printed out pictures a month. Babies are cute, but not that cute. Nobody needs that many pictures.  So Mr. Wonderful offers to buy the whole damn thing for 750k, which they counter for six million bucks. Say what? After that, they actually did get an offer but after that stupid attempt at six million I sort of tuned out.

EyeBloc 0.5/10
Straight out the gate this guy seems like a huge douche. But sometimes douchebags have good ideas! He does not. His pitch: people’s webcams are being hacked. So he “invented” a  “webcam privacy shield” called “EyeBloc” made out of plastic and is selling for like ten bucks. Hey, idiot, I’ve been doing the same thing for years with a piece of tape. Jesus christ, what a moron.

He’s sold a total of 45 units. No fucking kidding. Probably 40 of them were sold to himself and the rest were dispersed amongst family members and chicks who want to bone him. I’m so damn proud of the sharks for putting him in his place and swimming away as fast as possible. Nice try, asshat.