Five Things About Television: 10/27/2003

Here are five television-related things I was thinking about over the weekend:

1) David Cassidy is a great guy and a wonderful singer. But his rendition last week of "God Bless America" (which he sang during the 7th inning stretch of the World Series) was the most gawdawful version of a patriotic tune since Jose Feliciano's infamous album-length 1970's version of "The Star Spangled Banner." Cassidy moaned, cooed and oozed through the song in a way that made me want to take a quick shower. Or at the very least, a stiff drink.

2) TV Guide continues to struggle both financially and economically. Editors recently reworked both the magazine and the website in an effort to turn around slumping numbers. Here's a thought...want to keep from losing subscribers? How about sticking to the mandate that's inherent in your name? *TV* Guide. How does last week's cover story on the newest Matrix movie apply to a magazine whose purpose is supposed to be servicing the television fan? Yeah, I know, pitching those four *collector* versions of the cover brings in a few extra bucks. But at what long-term cost? If I want to read about the latest hot movie I'll buy Entertainment Weekly. Stick with your franchise, cover it better than anyone else, and your numbers will be fine. I'll even forgive your incessantly annoying TV Guide Channel. If I want stale news with my TV listings, I'll buy a local newspaper.

3) I sometimes despair that NBC comedy executives will never get it right. If public statements are to be believed, there are those at the network that believe the reason Coupling has been a ratings disaster was because the first few episodes relied on British written scripts. Which explains last week's appearance by cast member Rena Sofer on The Today Show. She must have mentioned the fact last Thursday's episode was written by "American writers" six times in three minutes. Did it matter? Nope, the ratings were just as middling as before.

So if it's not the scripts, then what IS the problem? Let me think...the cast has little discernible chemistry, NBC insisted on promoting the show as the (wink, wink) "next" Friends, the scripts that have aired have relied on sex and nothing little else. And to top it off, network suits are micro-managing the show to death. Other than that....no problems.

4) I know I'll have to watch (at least long enough to review it), but I have to say that I have little interest in watching the Ritter-less version of 8 Simple Rules. Adding James Garner does not give me much hope, and while I wish everyone well, I can't help thinking this has the potential of being as unsettling and unfunny as the Freddie Prinze-less version of Chico And The Man that aired the year after his death. This is one case I wish that everyone could found the will power to simply walk away.

5) Speaking of walking away, am I the only person who found it odd that Bryant Gumbel was on the Sci-Fi Channel last Friday, hosting a two-hour special on UFO's? The special was interesting enough, but it didn't need someone of Gumbel's caliber. And Gumbel certainly doesn't need the money that badly.