Synopsis: In the fifth grade, John
Cadigan was voted the most popular, athletic and artistic student in his
class. In college, he became antisocial, paranoid and, eventually, catatonic.
Diagnosed with schizophrenia, Cadigan could have completely retreated
into his own world. Instead, he decided to try to come to terms with his
condition by documenting the process on film. The CINEMAX Reel Life documentary
PEOPLE SAY I'M CRAZY tells the autobiographical story of his struggle.
The first documentary filmed and directed by someone living with the disease,
PEOPLE SAY I'M CRAZY chronicles the intimate details of Cadigan's decade-long
battle to recover from schizophrenia. Cadigan was assisted in making the
film by his sister, documentarian Katie Cadigan, and Academy Award®-winning
documentarian Ira Wohl ("Best Boy").
In 1992, 22-year-old John Cadigan asked his sister to help him record
his daily battles with mental illness as a way to "force me to examine
my life, and maybe accept what was going on with me." Together, they photographed
his routine activities in and around Palo Alto, California. In 1997, Cadigan
got his own camera and took over the principal photography. The result
is a portrait of a brilliant but tormented man pushing himself as an artist,
despite ongoing battles with his inner demons.
PEOPLE SAY I'M CRAZY captures intimate moments in his life, both setbacks
and triumphs, both personal and creative. Through Cadigan's example, his
courage and his cathartic honesty, the film sheds light on the overwhelming
challenges facing people with severe mental illness, while poignantly
underscoring the importance of family and friends in providing help and
encouragement.
As Cadigan recalls, he had his first psychotic break at age 21 during
his senior year at Carnegie Mellon University, when he was living "like
a mole" in a basement apartment. "I had stopped going to classes because
I was too afraid," he says. "I thought they were all out to get me, all
out to mess with my mind and drive me crazy." This behavior landed him
in the college counselor's office who sent him straight to the hospital,
where he stayed for two weeks.
"That was the beginning of the labels," he says. "First it was depression.
Then I had some psychotic features. Then it was schizoaffective. Then
the possibility of mania. Then it was paranoid schizophrenia, which is
probably the worst of them all."
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, one in every four
Americans will have mental illness in their lifetime; one in 100 will
be diagnosed with schizophrenia. Soon after his first psychotic break
in late 1991, unable to finish college, he moved to California to be close
to his family. Over the next four years, he was hospitalized three more
times and his diagnosis was confirmed: schizoaffective disorder - a combination
of schizophrenia and depression.
From 1991 to 1994, Cadigan's doctors tried every antipsychotic, antidepressant
and mood-stabilizing drug on the market, as well as electro-convulsive
therapy (ECT), but nothing worked. In 1994, he found a different doctor
and took advantage of the first new drugs for schizophrenia in more than
25 years, including Clozaril. This new medication slowly helped Cadigan
become more functional, though with an unfortunate side effect: He gained
more than 100 pounds.
As the film progresses, Cadigan develops as an artist with the loving
support of his family. His work, which sells consistently, is inspired
by mythological images and "is a spiritual quest to find the divine."
His woodcut prints have toured galleries and museums around the United
States, and most recently were exhibited in the Stanford University Art
Spaces.
"Making art is like breathing - a necessary part of my life," he says.
"The more I work, the more I am healed, and the images become a deeper
expression of my interior world." Cadigan also overcomes many personal
obstacles through his art. Exhibiting his work at the Capitol Hill building
in Washington, D.C., he is able to overcome his paranoia and stage fright
to speak on his art and his illness.
PEOPLE SAY I'M CRAZY won the Best Documentary Award Silver Plaque at the
Chicago International Film Festival and the Chief Dan George Humanitarian
Award at the Vancouver Film Festival and the 2004 Outstanding Media Award
from the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. It has also screened
at dozens of festivals and conferences including the HBO Frame-by-Frame
Documentary Film Series, the American Psychological Association Annual
Conference in Toronto, the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill California
Conference in Long Beach, the 2003 Boston International Film Festival,
and the 2003 Denver International Film Festival.
Production Credits:
PEOPLE SAY I'M CRAZY is directed by John Cadigan with Katie Cadigan; produced
by Katie Cadigan and Ira Wohl; edited by Laura C. Murray; director of
photography, John Cadigan with Laura C. Murray and Katie Cadigan; music
by Evelyn Glennie. |