Netflix Review: 'Polar'

One of my favorite movie genres is the one I describe as "big, stupid fun." This can encompass everything from "Armageddon" to "Crank," but all of the films share a series of defining characteristics. They all include a lot of increasingly impossible-to-accept action sequences, character motivations that often come down to "well, we needed to get out of this scene" and acting that can charitably be described as "having the acting range of a dry-rotted wooden plank." No matter how skilled an actor you might be, appearing in one of these films somehow manages to strip every bit of nuance and skill out of your performance.

And yet the best of these movies are a blast to watch. I've seen some of my favorites a dozen times or more and I'll watch them every time I run across them on cable. Their lack of pretense and willingness to embrace their inherent stupidity is captivating. 

As you might guess from this build-up, the new Netflix film "Polar" is not a subtle movie. Any film that begins with a coked-up Johnny Knoxville being killed by a group of assassins that look like a disturbing mash-up of "Charlie's Angels" and the "Suicide Squad" isn't going for the light touch. And indeed, "Polar" is not for those viewers nauseated by excess bloodshed or wooden acting. But I have to admit that is was a lot of damn fun to watch.

Mads Mikkelsen plays hitman Duncan Vizla - nicknamed the Black Kaiser - who is set to retire on his 50th birthday. When he does, he'll receive a multi-million dollar pension. And who would have guessed that an organization built on assassination might also be reluctant to fulfill their previously agreed-to retirement obligations? So the Black Kaiser is targeted for death and the majority of the film centers around the efforts to kill him. Sure, there are also the obligatory "yes, but he has a secret heart of gold" moments. Although given what happens to his dog, that golden heart might be a bit hard to find.



The attempted assassinations become increasingly unbelievable and violent. And one long scene in a basement hallway comes off like a scene from some grindhouse version of "The Matrix." But there is also at least one real twist in the movie and if you just ignore the fact the film's supposed bad guy is a weasel of a buffoon named "Mr Blut," you can just let the stupid wash over you like a warm ocean breeze. The movie is based on the Dark Horse graphic novel "Polar: Came From the Cold" by Victor Santos and since I haven't read the source material, I'm not sure how faithful it is to the graphic novel. Although for Mr. Santos' sake, I'm hoping the answer is "not very."

Weirdly, for a film that is so often clunky and awkward, some of the acting is first-rate. Vanessa Hudgens shows a nice range as Camille, a young woman who’s hiding a secret. And if you're going to be targeted for death, it might as well be at the hands of Katheryn Winnick's hedonistic Vivian, who becomes increasingly exasperated when Duncan refuses to just give up and die. The one major character I didn't love was Herman Blut, Duncan’s stab-happy former employer. I generally enjoy Matt Lucas's work, but his Blut is strangely awkward and out of synch with the rest of the film's tone. Blut doesn't halt the energy of "Polar" every time he appears. He just shifts it off in some unsettling direction that the movie continuously struggles to overcome. 

"Polar" isn't a great movie. Hell, at times it doesn't even rise to level of workmanlike. Imagine if "John Wick" had the same creative point of view as "Big Trouble In Little China." But it is a lot of fun to watch and if you're in the right mood,  this movie can be the perfect accompaniment for that lonely evening when the world makes entirely too much sense.

"Polar" is streaming now on Netflix.